About The Third

Do you have a Third in your relationship? You may be wondering what Third even means…

The poem Third Body by Robert Bly points to the presence of a Third in relationship:

“A man and a woman sit near each other, and they do not long
at this moment to be older, or younger, nor born
in any other nation, or time, or place.
They are content to be where they are, talking or not talking.
Their breaths together feed someone whom we do not know.
The man sees the way his fingers move;
he sees her hands close around a book she hands to him.
They obey a third body that they share in common.
They have made a promise to love that body.
Age may come, parting may come, death will come.
A man and a woman sit near each other;
as they breathe they feed someone we do not know,
someone we know of, whom we have never seen.”

Every relationship has a Third. In ours, there is Meenal, there is Kris, and there is the relationship itself, which represents a Third presence.  Oftentimes the relationship may want something vastly different than what either of us wants. Following the Third consistently leads to more vibrancy, more love, more freedom, more trust, more surprises and more growth.

Every interaction in relationship is an opportunity for contraction into habits or expansion into connection.  Over time the spark of sex, passion and dreams can be replaced by the sear of complaints and triggers, or the numbness of obligation. In the presence of the Third, the friction that happens when you and I rub up against each other, even on something as mundane as dishes left in the sink, triggers growth and connection. Complaints become a doorway into deeper intimacy. Regenerative sex becomes a barometer for the passion in the relationship that can be used as fuel out in the world.

We have spent over thirty years contributing to our Third and over ten years cultivating and exploring it, diving into its various aspects and possibilities. Through a variety of practices and exploration, we rely on our Third on a daily basis to point us to where we are stuck in our relationship and how we can tap into flow. In fact, our courses, our coaching and this very website are based on our connecting with our Third and becoming clear channels to teach other couples to tap into the wisdom of their relationship and what their Third is pointing them to. It may start out as exposing old patterns and cleaning out resentments from the past that hold you back from being fully present in relationship, and it can quickly move to creating the honest, vibrant and electric relationship that you want. It may even culminate in tapping into your Third to help guide you to part of your purpose – how you are meant to create impact in this world. We know that all of this is possible in taking on relationship as a spiritual practice, because we have lived it.

Sparking Relationship Coaching and Teaching are based on these concepts, in order to support people in creating generative relationships throughout their lives. Get support in creating the relationships that you want by contacting us.