The feeling of electricity in my body is a tricky thing. When everything is right, it flow easily and I feel it clearly. However, when I don’t say something I wanted to say, or I don’t listen to a desire I have, or in another way I interrupt the vibrancy that life has to offer, the electricity disappears.
A couple of days ago, Meenal and I moved back to Ventura, after spending five months living in Santa Monica (SM) in an OM house and surrounded by OM community. Our intention in returning to our home in Ventura is to create a new passion-led life, rather than coming back to our old life. We want to live the unlived life by creating anew, rather than recreating the life we had before we moved to SM. After having lived in SM, I feel more electricity – actually so much more of everything – in my body. Also, my body-based intuition has improved and I find that I can translate intuitive body feelings into words more easily. My attention has also improved dramatically, where I notice things a lot more and am able to trace things back to their cause. It is not that I got all of that from living in SM, but rather that I was doing a lot of personal growth work during that time period and opening myself up more than ever before.
My fear about moving back to Ventura was that I would fall back into patterns – go to the same gym, do the same activities, and with the pull of those patterns, I would fall back into my old life – losing all of the electricity and skill I had gained.
Meenal and I decided that part of creating a new life was to get rid of a lot of our possessions that no longer serve us. Clothes that don’t look that good or don’t feel good when I wear them, walking shoes that I wear out of obligation because I spent a lot of money on them, books that we never read…the list goes on and on. So instead of just unpacking much of the last two days was spent going through clothes and getting our home restarted – grocery shopping, restarting the mail, etc. Along the way, I felt really angry because the Ventura post office was acting in a way that makes no sense to me. Over the five month period we had put our mail on hold. Seemingly randomly, our postal carrier would deliver our mail, such that when we returned to Ventura every 2-3 weeks to get our mail and deal with other 3D matters like watering house plants, our mailbox would be crammed full of mail. The day after we moved back, I went to the post office, collected our mail and asked them to restart our mail delivery. A day later, I found out that they were not delivering a package I needed because they thought our mail was still on hold. I went to the post office to get my package and let them know how upset I was by their inconsistency.
Normally, lightening by getting rid of possessions would leave me feeling more electricity and vibrancy in my body. At least this is how I experienced it when we got rid of over half our stuff two years ago when we moved from our house of 20 years to our condo in Ventura. Expressing my anger would also generate electricity and I definitely wasn’t shy about expressing it yesterday. However, last night I found that I actually feel less electricity than I did when we arrived. This morning, I felt frustrated and confused – what I feared had come to pass so quickly. Last night I couldn’t feel electricity in my make out with Meenal nor in my OM practice, and I had no idea why.
Fortunately I have a life coach that I work with. Much as I have done for my life-coaching clients, my coach supported me by listening to what I shared and helped me see for myself the truth of what was going on – that my tipping into control with the thought that “I was dealing with incompetence and that I had to check on everything to make sure it was done” had killed the electricity I was feeling. In order to feel electricity in my body, I need to be able to run the energy that Life / Source is offering in every situation and be able to offer it back and ask for more – in essence be fully engaged in flow. This involves acceptance and gratitude for what is and then asking for what I want. When the post office did things in a way that I couldn’t understand, instead of accepting what was and asking how this was actually serving me, I decided that something was wrong that I needed to fix. When I have such controlling thoughts (e.g. something is wrong and I need to fix it) and I start pulling to change reality to how I think it should be, I cut myself off from flow. The price I paid was killing the electricity I feel in my body. That realization and adjusting how I act and interact with Life has me feeling a lot of electricity and vibrancy in my body today.